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Friday, October 21, 2005

Coke, Pepsi Soda, and Snickers Bar Funeral Services Planned to Be Held in Most California High Schools

Sugar-laden,high-fat edibles and other junk food items will be banned from California school campuses in 2007. Let's all hope they are also banned from families' tables. Students and teachers are getting ready to conduct mock funeral services. Under two new laws that are set to take effect in 2007, sodas, chocolate bars, candy and a large variety of food items readily available on campuses will have to be carted away. Creative students are writing poems, plays and composing songs to be performed during the services.

Healthy eating and drinking as in fruit juice and water make a comeback with these laws. Junk food ban will be new to California. That's good music to the ears of parents and citizens concerned by the epidemic of obesity that is spread all over the country. More space will be created by the removal of vending machines. Already, Pepsi and other beverage companies are pushing their drinks to foreign markets such as India and Africa. Pepsi and Coke may have have fallen under the scrutinity of the public who becomes more health-conscious.

At a publich high school in California, I observed that the students were walking behind a hearse carrying a casket filled with a large cardboard image of a soda bottle. The students were wearing their best funeral outfits. They wore black netting that covered their faces. Lots of mascara covered their cheecks. They took a very solemn stance against fast food and soda. The students paid their respects to the cardboard in the coffin. Eulogies were pronounced. Other passersby nodded and laughed.

Here's a sample of some of the eulogies, poems and speeches.

To Cheeto, Snickers, Chips, Natcho,
Cheese, Candy and Soda

I am saying farewell to a few companions I thought
Were out there to watch my back. I thought we were tight
Ever since I can remember, they were always around
Never once did I have the courage to question them
Their masters have been pushing them down my throat
Ever since I became interested in watching TV and cartoons
They made me salivate and summon the courage to ask
my parents to purchase them.
Without them seeing, I placed them in the shopping cart

I am saying farewell to you, tasty, zesty companions!
I am saying farewell to you because you made me stop
Eating and enjoying dinners with my parents
I am saying bye bye to you because you become too cheap
You are everywhere, at gas stations, vending machines at school
It's time for you to go to the ether world, the abyss
I am saying farewell because you were not true companions
You shoved your way into my life with large marketing tricks
And very deceitful ads that pop up and pop under on the TV and computer screens
I am saying farewell because you took advantage of my innocence
You abused me. You betrayed the trust I had in you. You only cared about profits

I am saying farewell because you started distancing yourself from me first
Over the years, I gained weight. You did not care about my silent suffering
You did not care about my health. You made me tune out my parents and their advice
You stole my early years of adolescence. You cared less about my shame
I dragged my unhealthy body everywhere I went. Never did you ask me to stop indulging!
You made me believe I was part of the "in crowd," the hip set when I had you in my hands
I am saying farewell because your bright neons and sleek bottles
Are just trompe-oeil, traps that will enslave my soul. You are so fake!
I want my freedom back. I want to be free from substances that destroy my fitness.

Bye bye Soda
Bye bye Snickers
Bye bye Cheeto
Bye bye Natcho
Bye bye Cheese
Bye bye Candy

Candy and Chocolate

I must say farewell even when I remember the good times
I must say farewell even when I remember
How nice Candy was to me when I was dejected and sad
Candy, I will never stop looking at you, but I won't touch you any longer
I will continue to savor the good times. Memories will last a long time
Candy and Chocolate, you both were fantastic friends
But I must get rid of you. You did not have the courage to tell me
How addictive you can be.

Farewell to you, beautiful and sweet Candy
Farewell to you, obsessive chocolate.
We must part ways. Go your separate ways
Farewell. Farewell. Farewell.

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